Friday, January 8, 2010

west coast friendship.

So... I figured it was time to start blogging.
I write in a journal and that seems to be working out well, except for that fact that I keep misplacing it.
This can't get misplaced... well I should not test that out.

It's a new year, and I've made some pretty radical changes in my life. I shouldn't say that I made them... God also played a huge part.
I've been on the east coast for quite some time, I've had some pretty remarkable experiences and some no so remarkable ones. In the past few years I've graduated college, gone back to college. Found Lacan and all of his glory, I recommitted my life to God (Which I do every day..).. and in getting closer with him I realized what he has been yelling at me all along.
I'm not happy on the east coast, I did my time. I learned so many lessons along the way. I've broken my heart and learned the best lessons.
I also have made life long friends.
I'm moving back to the west coast!
Well.. i'm in the process of applying to some schools that start from California up to Washington State. If i get in to all of the schools... then..... I have a list. Nothing has felt so right, the moment the words came out of my mouth it was as if this huge heavy weight was lifted off my chest.
I'm scared and excited. I feel like a 12 year old. I'm scared, and I hate packing up and leaving..but something so stressful and painstakingly complicated as never felt so right.
“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world”
- C.s Lewis.

So this blog is going to my my journey over the next few years to see where my Love life with God takes me. I love him, that he can put up with such a person like me. No request is too much, no burden is too heavy. I feel as if I've been shrinking God, putting him in the back of mind the back of the book... and only finding myself calling his name when shit is hitting the fan.
I'm moving out of my comfort relationship with God, i'm pushing the limits and seeing where I end up.
I'm digging deeper into his words and seeing where I go next, and reading some books about deepening a spiritual connection to him. It's as if I get a spiritual high from Church esp. worship. but I want that connection to extend beyond the four walls known as a church.
God gave me a wake up call over my Christmas break, and put a lot of things in perspectives.
I need to stop trying to be a control freak... I need to realize that I can trust him to take care of somethings. I can't be trying to fix things that are not mine to fix.

I need to be patient... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. SO hard for me.
This week is me trying to figure out where I belong.... filling out phd. aps.... being in a wedding and helping plan...
school, work... and keeping sane.

Anyways, this is me.
I'm a focused, happy, psychology crazed student who loves the outdoors. her amazing friends.
books and finding...the place between you and me.

"This moment contains all moments.”

1 comment:

  1. can't wait to read more chica. I started keeping up my blog again too, yes, on myspace. The only thing i don't like abotu it is that anonymous ppl can't leave comments.. maybe i'll have to get something like a blogspot or some other thing. ya know. anyways, LOVE you, -Jenny S